The Price of Admission

Have you ever sat down and actually made a list of your wants and needs in a partner? If you haven't, I suggest you do. Take those metaphorical boxes and put them on paper. Read the list often and use it as a lens to examine your relationships. Making an actual list allows you the time and space needed to reflect honestly about the positive attributes you've experienced in other relationships and would like to experience again, or on the flip side, it could also include qualities you desire but haven't found a partner who was able to meet that need. Know the difference between needs and desires. Typically, needs are the "must haves" and desires are the "would be nice to haves."

I created my list about a year ago. A lot of time and emotional energy went into creating my list. I reflected on every relationship, the good, the bad and the ugly, to pull out the qualities my partners had that made me feel loved. Even toxic relationships have positive moments to reflect on. Sometimes it’s hard to see the light when there was so much darkness, but if your intention is to find the good, you'll find something. I have that list on my computer and I read it from time to time. My reason for keeping it on my computer is it's a work in progress. It's a draft and can be revised at any time. Lately, I've been trying to remind myself of this. 

Years ago, a friend shared this YouTube video with me. The Price of Admission I haven't watched it in a while, but it floated into my thoughts today, so I watched it again. He talks about his own relationship and how his partner was nothing he thought he wanted, but he fell in love with him anyway. The price of admission is essentially asking you, "What are you willing to put up with so that you can have this person you love?" Two of my great loves would not have stood up to my list of needs and desires. I'm glad that back when I met them, I didn't have that list. I would have missed out on some really beautiful and vulnerable moments with these men if I had immediately discounted them because I thought they wouldn't meet all my needs. Now, looking at my list, I see areas they met and other areas they didn't. Those unmet areas were the price of admission.

I've recently been trying to focus on my list and wondering if my list is keeping me from finding the love I want. What am I willing to accept as the price of admission in my relationships? Typically, when I meet someone new, I am on high alert looking for flags. I run this new person through my system of relationship filters and can quickly decide whether I'm interested in a second date. I know no one is perfect and I am not looking for that. The pressure to be with someone who I perceive as perfect would be too great for me anyway. In the end, I've decided to use the list as a guide. I need to be open to love even if someone doesn't tick all of my metaphorical boxes. If love comes and smacks me in the face, I will gladly pay the price of admission.

Be authentic in your journey.